Hold the mayo

I have an irrational fear of mayonnaise, something I've lived with my whole life. I don't like the look of it, I don't like the smell of it, and for godssake completely freak out at the taste of it. A woman I used to work with introduced me to a friend who has a similar fear, and I felt validated for the first time ever. There are others like me out there, I swear.

The honest to god last time I ate mayonnaise was in second grade at my friend Rachel's house. I told her mom I would under no circumstances eat anything with mayo on it. Well, damned if the woman didn't slap it on a salami sandwich a couple hours later for lunch. When I gently reminded her of my mayo issue, she MADE me eat the sandwich. I paid her back by throwing up all over her white carpet.

Growing up, I had a whole long list of foods I wouldn't eat, which I had my mom give to people so they knew in advance. I was just trying to be proactive, but this probably embarrassed the hell out of her. My thinking was that I should just be upfront with people, full disclosure, lest there be any scenes at the kitchen table (moving halibut about the plate with a fork without taking a bite, gagging, turning up the nose, etc., not necessarily in that order). The list always began with mayonnaise and fish. Those are still my two big no-nos, so at least I'm consistent.