19th century english: A modern translation

Jane Austen, from Pride and Prejudice: "I honour your circumspection. A fortnight's aquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of a fortnight. But if we do no venture, somebody else will: and, after all, Mrs. Long and her nieces must stand their chance; and, therefore, as she will think it an act of kindness, if you decline the office, I will take it on myself." The girls stared at their father. Mrs. Bennett said only, "Nonsense, nonsense!"

2006 translation: "I feel ya. A couple of weeks isn't diddly squat. You can't tell for real what kind of psycho the guy is in just two weeks. But if we aren't in hot pursuit, someone else will try to snare him. I mean, Mrs. Long and her nieces will be all up in his business. And, since she'll think I'm all that, if you don't head over there, I'll see what's up myself." The girls were, like, Um, dad, what the hell? Mrs. Bennett was all "You trippin'."